..at my wits end!
i’m tired..
tired of feeling like i am a teenager, livin at her moms house, with a baby & her boyfriend.

tired of feeling bullied.
& tired of this constant thought — ” I could be there doing this..”  ” We could have been there doing that…” ” I could have had this opportunity here…”  ”It wouldn’t be this way if it was like this..”
i realize these are all the negatives around me & i preach about focusing on the positives but today i’m just done.  
done .  done .  done .

i want to be the wife & mother i am meant to be
i want to have the freedom in my own home that of which i’ve crafted so carefully
i want my daughter to live every day to its fullest with her mama & her papa
i want to explore, learn, touch, & create
i want to be with my cousin alicia who is busy working at home with a 6 month old while being pregnant
i want to be ME

i am tired of feeling taken advantage of
i won’t be any more

i am sad a lot while being on the coast
i won’t be any more

i am tired of people making me feel like i am NOT good enough
i’m tired of wondering why some haven’t givin me the closure i deserve
i’m tired of wondering why my old friends haven’t stepped up and said ” Its ok court, its all over now.  lets move forward & get this where it needs to be “
i thought of you as my FRIENDS as my role models as my company as my inspiration.  today i see it as i’m no longer ” in ” & i cannot..i CANNOT get over this
it is obvious you do not care about me  & i miss so terribly being apart of all of your lives. 

i’m choosing to stop feeling sorry for myself & be great full for what is in front of me.
although it is hard.
it must be done.
i was strong while in the city but a year a go this month i lost one of my best friends & i haven’t been able to recover…as i thought i had

i am terrified that when i do chose to move back - this will all come to haunt me as it has this time.

words from my sister are always, positive, encouraging, & meaningful,
understanding & respectful.
she knows where i’m coming from
she sees what i’ve dealt with
she understands how i’m feeling
she seems to be the only one

she tells me i deserve answers
i believe she is right